Image: Apple
Apple makes some truly wonderful designs and technology. And now, also, a sock… sorry, the “iPhone Pocket”. Here’s why you shouldn’t buy one.
News of the iPhone Pocket broke overnight, and when I first saw this online I figured it must be a parody, because it just feels so very much like something that would be made up for the purposes of mockery.
But no.
The latest innovation from Apple, by way of Japanese design house ISSEY MIYAKE is the iPhone Pocket, an accessory for iPhone users who (as per Apple) “offers a beautiful new way to carry your iPhone, AirPods, and favorite everyday items.”
Image: Apple
I totally get that there’s a huge market for iPhone accessories. Indeed, if you look over the accessories category in any store (in the real world or online) it’s dominated by iPhone cases, battery packs, screen protectors, etc, etc, etc…
So I started to try to work out why you might want the Apple-specific Pocket… and I still can’t see it. Here’s why.
- It’s embarrassingly expensive: Sit down for this one, because if you haven’t hit the pricing yet, it’s quite the shock.
As per Apple, “iPhone Pocket in the short strap design retails at $149.95 (U.S.), and the long strap design at $229.95 (U.S.)”. That would equate out to around $228/$350 AUD.
Probably more given US prices don’t include sales taxes, so let’s add 10% GST to that. We’re in the realm of $250 and $385… socks. Yeah, really.
Let’s put that in context, too because there are eight iPhone Pocket designs to choose from, and while I’ll freely admit that I’m not part of the fashionista crowd that might adore these, if they are indeed desirable there, picking up all eight would cost you (in Australian dollars, assuming my with-GST assumptions are correct) $3,080. So… a collection of iPhone Pockets, or a brand new 1TB iPhone 17 Pro with change to spare? Tough call, I think… not. - It signals your social status… as long as that social status is “I have too much money, please rob me immediately”: I guess I shouldn’t be shocked that the iPhone Pocket is only going on sale in physical Apple stores located in areas that are already home to lots of high fashion brands, which is why in the UK you’ll be able to spend way too much money on it at the Apple Store in Regent Street. You know what else is big in London right now? Phone theft on a near industrial scale. So sure, why not wear a brightly coloured advertisement for exactly where your phone is so that the thieves know where to target you?
- It is “inspired by a piece of cloth”: I did have to check that it wasn’t somehow April 1st again, because Apple’s press release breathlessly states that the iPhone Pocket was (and I quote) “Inspired by the concept of “a piece of cloth”. A piece of cloth, you say? What a revolutionary concept! Nobody’s ever thought of wearing pieces of cloth before, right? But it goes on! “Born from the idea of creating an additional pocket, its understated design fully encloses iPhone, expanding to fit more of a user’s everyday items.” Again, the idea of an additional pocket? Tell me more about this unique and engaging idea, Apple!
- You can’t actually buy the iPhone Pocket here: Apple traditionally puts most of its products on sale in Australia first, largely due to the way that international time zones work (and presumably because nobody in New Zealand likes getting up early for iPhones), but not this time.
The iPhone Pocket will only go on sale via Apple’s US web site as well as select stores in France, Greater China, Italy, Japan, Singapore, South Korea, the UK, and the U.S “just in time for the holidays”. Except, you know, if you don’t live in those places. You can tell how broken up about this whole deal I am, right? - Even Steve Jobs mocked the idea of iPhone socks (but still sold them): Steve Jobs was a man who loved good design, and while I’m quietly sure he would have loved the income from the iPhone Pocket, even he thought some things were too far gone. When he had the job of introducing Apple’s iPod Socks back in 2004, even he couldn’t help but to crack up on stage while trying to pitch them.
Also, back in 2004, Apple sold those in packs of six for $US29. Even allowing for inflation, that would only be about $US33 now. So just a $200+ price hike then.
What, you don’t think Steve Jobs struggled to keep a straight face while pitching the admittedly ridiculous idea of expensive Apple socks? Watch below and find out.
About the Author
There must now be a parody of other things you can make rib-knit bags for: Books; laptops; anvils; the assault rifle you’re OK casually walking into the hardware store with.
The assault rifle I’d rather not have, but if cartoons taught me anything as a child, it’s to never leave home without my anvil.
lmao apple, i can get a cheep samsung phone for cheeper then this